SKELETONXCREW

my love

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 02:51:12 GMT

um. can we say ultra freak out mode? i have 4 days until i'm germany bound.

HOLY SHIT.

excuse me.

i'm half way packed. i've tried on every outfit i'm packing, i swear i'm such a loser.

i have more to say, but i just don't feel like typing right now.

more later.

so happy.

house arrest

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 23:17:12 GMT

dude. my freakin' car was broken into this morning. 415am. the funny thing about it, if you find anything funny about it, is that i was supposed to get up at 330 to go to the gym, but punked out, and heard my alarm go off. i grabbed my phone, or the closest thing i thought was making the noise and tried turning it off. when i finally snapped out of my sleepy haze, i realized it was a car alarm. so i bolted out of bed to find my keys, and it stopped.

meh. that's what i said as i crawled back into my warm haven which is my bed at 415 in the morning. i almost forgot that 'an alarm' was going off so when i went out to leave for work, i was a bit puzzled as to why my car wouldn't unlock. instantly, i looked into my lil guy (which i've decided is my lil guy) and saw complete chaos. shit. my radio was stolen (duh) and all my shitty cds were thrown everywhere. my glove compartment was open and it was someone just went through like a tornado and threw everything around. i didn't realize the window was open until later on when i came home from work during my lunch break to look at the damage. my back window is completely smashed out (the side back window- i have a two door) and my lunch pale was outside on the ground. another funny thing about this situation is that my friend/neighbor has a new lexus and her husband has a new camery and neither were touched. damn me for having a civic. ugh.

so i called the police to give a report and at first they weren't going to come out to look, but finally decided to come out. two policemen were noseing around, doing a finger print search and all. it was quite the crime scene. hahaha. my landlord ended up showing up as well, feeling really horrible because apparently, nothing like this has ever happend in my area. riiiiight. well, last night, 3 other cars were broken into on the next street over, so i guess i feel a little better knowing that maybe i wasn't targeted by some unknown person who has it out for me. hahaha, in fact, my bestfriend and my parents are the only three people who know where i live, so....oh well.

i figure, if someone wants to steal from me, they need it more than i do, so no loss on my end. it's a total bummer because my friend dmitri gave me the radio, so he's bummed out about it too. oh well. life happens. and it's been happening to me a lot lately.

the good in all this, my friend works in the same building as i do, so at least i know i have rides. another good thing, i'll be in germany in 8 days, so at least i have something more to look forward to. i just hate having to depend on people and right about now, being at home, i feel like i'm on house arrest. hahahaha. i'm never at home, for more than like 30 minutes to go to the bathroom or something, so you can imagine what i'm feeling right about now.

my poor roomie told me that she doesn't feel safe here anymore. shit man, it's not a bad area, and things happen, so hopefully she'll be okay with living here. i like the extra flow i get from her rent checks. hahahah.

i'm listening to my new love, the mars volta. i know, they've been around for a billion years, but i always passed them up. my friend chris and i have been hanging out mega time lately, so i've been listening to them like whoa. i love silky curls (hahaha, the dudes have really nice silky curls).

you don't know me....

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 03:23:47 GMT

ps. love that augustana song. weirdo.

i hate losing steam.

i loved you first

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 22:45:39 GMT

holy shit. i was talking to a friend at work today. we have this IM system through our company email so we just chat away all day. my friends at work are trying to get me to go out with this guy and i guess he's in a band or something. i was like, uh, my ex was in a band, and i don't know if i could do that scene again (besides the fact that they ALL know about christoph). so my friend asked what band, so i went on purevolume and linked her to their music, and on the page is a picture of the band, including my ex. so fucking weird, but all these weird feelings came back and i think i actually started missing him for a second. i couldn't believe it, i was actually sad over him. my reasoning behind it is that i never really got closure with him. i mean, i'm the one who broke up with him because i 'wanted space' but then when i was over it and went back for him, he had already moved on. hahaha. 4 years together and after a month, he had already moved on. annnnnyway, i'm over it now, 2 years later, and he's actually living with who once was my bestfriend (and now his girlfriend) in brooklyn, so whatever. it was just weird that i started feeling all blah about him.

2 weeks to go!!

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:15:54 GMT

holy shit, i'm down to two weeks until i'll be in germany. can we say NERVOUS as hell?!?!?! i think i'm more afraid of the flight over than seeing christoph. in fact, i can't wait to get a big hug!!!! he asked for my passport number so he could book flights for our trip to wherever for new years. it's a surprise so i can't tell you where we're going at the moment. maybe i'll sign on and update when i'm there (probably not) but i'll be sure to give you the most details i can when i get back...if i come back. hahahahhaa. i kid i kid!!

i'm happy.

i'm baking cookies for the masses right now. HELP! we're having a company holiday party tomorrow and i said i'd bring in the cookies. for like 50 people! geez. oh well.

i'm happy. oh wait, i already said that.

countdown continues

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 11:04:12 GMT

oh livejournal, i have neglected you.

update city:

monday, i had a pretty craptastic day. it all started at work, as most of my craptastic days do. a co-worker of mine (not a manager) started barking orders at me, and that just put me in a tissy. it's not even that she was barking orders, but just the way she goes about it. i mean, if you were to come to me and suggest i work on something, or ask for help there wouldn't be a problem, however, this girl came in, and as she was taking her coat off to log onto her computer, she comes over and goes 'i'm going to need you to work on that list i gave you and have it done by 10am.' um. what? so i started working on it, taking my sweet ass time and she came over at 9 to see how far i had gotten, and i told her half way. she proceeded to take the list, tear it in half and take my work from me. she comes back over (still before 10) telling me to stuff the envelopes of the letters she just created so she could finish the list. i looked at her and asked what the big deal was and why i couldn't just do my work. well, she got all pissed off and walked away stating that she was 'all set'. anyway, that whole day was spent in silence because i'm not going to apologize for her making me feel like a complete idiot. hahahaha. i'm stubborn, what can i say?

so, christoph usually calls on my commute home, right about when i'm about to get home. but that day, he called the second my door shut in my car as i was leaving the office. i was glad, i love talking to him, so there you have it. his conversation normally starts off with a 'hi, how was your day', but that day, it started off with 'well, i have some bad news'.

immediately my heart sank into my already bubbley belly as i hear him tell me that he's not coming. those words rang in my ear 'i can't come'. AWESOME. well, not really, and of course you can imagine my sadness over this, but of course, i'm the supportive girl/friend and was like 'oh, it's totally ok!!'. after telling me about a million times that it wasn't ok, he explained his situation. he told me last month that he was going for a job and feared that if he got it, he might not be able to stay as long as he planned. and that if he got the job, he would bump his trip up a week, to stay the whole time, but leave a little early to start this job. no problem. only problem was that, although his new job said he could take his vacation because he had it planned before he got the job, when he went to change his flight over, it would have cost him 1000 euros more just to bump his trip back one day. one day!!! shit.

so, we talked for 3 hours that night (i broke my favorite necklace which again made him feel bad thinking he just started this snowball effect of bad things happening to me) and it was funny because for a while, i was wondering what happened to him. we went from the most amazing conversations for hours on end, dreaming about the future together, looking at homes together, and just being happy. all of a sudden, something happened, reality set in, and everything turned very cut and dry. dare i say, very german. hahaha. black and white. hi how are you, see you later. i don't give up on things, but a few days prior to this conversation, i mentionted to him that i missed seeing the word 'love' in his correspondence not because it means anything this far away, but that it had almost become a comfort thing. i missed dreaming with him, and i wondered what happened. so anyway, that night, it was like a light flipped back on. he must have realized that a lot was riding on this trip, and he felt so horrible that he 'ruined' our plans, that we had an amazing conversation. we fell back into that dream aspect of our relationship, and after begging me to come to germany a million times, we started talking about the things we'd do together in the years to come. it was so sweet.

so back to him inviting me to germany. of course, i was scared to say yes or no, because quite frankly, i've never been outside the country, my passport hasn't arrived yet, and i'd be travelling alone to a country where i speak very little of their language and that scares the shit out of me. so everytime he'd suggest i come out (after apologizing more) i'd simply reply 'well, i'll look into it'. i didn't know what else to say. i mean, i've been saving money for his arrival, and now, i'd have to spend a good chunk of it on a plane ticket to germany? of course, because he's such a doll, he suggested he pay for half.

well.....i thought about it.

I'M GOING TO GERMANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahah!!! you can't imagine my excitement about this, and if you try, i'm sure you're not imagining quite the extent of excitement i'm feeling right now!!!!!!! when i finally decided i would go, i was literally shaking when i pressed the 'purchase now' button on the airline website. shaking!!! once i did it, i felt this release of tension, of emotion, and i started laughing. it was almost a 'what the hell am i doing, what am i getting myself into, DID I JUST DO THIS?!' feeling...hahahha. so i sent Christoph my itenerary and he almost instantly responded with 'so, you're coming, this is GREAT!' he went on to express that he doubted my wanting to come out, and actually thought i felt uncomfortable with the idea. poor thing, didn't think i really wanted to come. HELLO...this is what i've been waiting for my whole life. to travel. to see the world....and i guess it doesn't hurt that i'll have an amazing co-pilot. actually, he says i'm his co-pilot, so...well, you get the idea. he later wrote me suggesting we go to prague for new years, but then one up'd me. we're going to be spending the new years in grand PARIS!!!!! holy shit! if this is a dream, don't you DARE wake me.

so now i'm on this massive weight loss mission. hahahaha, i'm crazy, i know, because i'm not even 'fat' or whatever, but girls, you know, you can get it in your mind that you could lose that extra 10lbs and be amazing, you know? of course i'm nervous as all get up to have to meet HIS parents and his brother and sister...and his friends. oh man! i'm trying not to worry about this because he feels as though everyone will love me and he'll have to keep his friends from trying to steal me away from him but i'm so nervous. besides the fact that i'm allergic to cats and he has two. hahahahhaa. what's up mega allergy medicine!!!! gosh, and i need to buy converters for my electrical items!!! hahahaha, weird! annnd figure out currancy exchanges (i euro=1.33 USD).

anyway, i need to shower. i just felt i needed to update this journal.

i'm taking up a collection for my trip so feel free to send me money or just give it to me. hahahaha. i'm totally kidding by the way.

PEACE

worry wart

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 18:11:32 GMT

everytime i let myself doubt any situation, something happens to make me feel like such an asshole for even feeling that way.

christoph text me last night just before i went out with jenn. he was feeling bad about not talking to me as much as we have, so he called me just when we got to the mall. we talked for about 20 minutes, it was already 1am there, and he had been to the bar. the adorable thing about when he's been drinking and when we're talking on the phone is that his voice becomes really soft (not like i can't hear him, but just smooth sounding) and i feel as though i can actually hear him trying to translate german into english words in his mind. it's so adorable. he hates it and feels funny about it, but is comfortable enough to call anyway. hahahaha.

so i'm in a better mood (go figure).

your head was in the clouds now those clouds are in your head

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 22:41:03 GMT

i think i'm depressed. that seems foolish because i haven't felt this way in a long time. it's even more foolish because i have no reason to feel the way i do, but i just want to crawl into bed and let it be tomorrow.

i think i'm just somewhat bored with life here in CT and i'm letting it get the best of me. i have all this opportunity to be some place else, and just thinking about the future isn't making me happy. i want to be. i want to be in the future. eh, i'll get over it until things start happening for me.

anyway, let me refresh.

i've been in texas for the past week visiting relatives for thanksgiving. it's always nice to leave home and it's always nice to come home. it's weird hanging out with relatives you remember when you were young; grown up faces, mature adults. hahaha. we had a blast, and although you couldn't pay me to move back, i plan on visiting more often.

i haven't talked to christoph in a week. :insert another reason i'm down in the dumps: i'm not worried about it, i just hope he's alright. i know he's super busy, he just got a new apartment (or is in the process of moving) and with work and school and stuff, i'm sure he's got a lot going on. i'm in that 'i miss his voice' kinda feeling, but it, too, shall pass. he'll be here in less than a month (yipes!) and that's awesome!

ps. i just got part of his xmas gift in the mail, and it's less than stellar. not what i was expecting, so now i'm not sure if i want to give it to him. hmmmm. stuff to ponder over.

speaking of stellar- incubus tix go on sale friday- SO stoked on that. i just hope they're not $100 a ticket or something crazy. i'll go broke for incubus. hahahha.

more later. my stomach hurts.

you boring son of a such and such

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 23:54:27 GMT

seriously, i feel like i'm so boring. hahahaha. not really, but christoph called me a 'nerd' today, which was cute. i study too much and get 100's on my exams and for what? so i can say i know everything YOU need to know about insurance and 401k policies. gross. now, the real test will be when i decided to actually take real German language courses (other than my tutor) and have exams on German. holy hell, i told christoph that if i ace those exams, he'll owe me. well, maybe not him, but someone will because i will be totally awesome.

i read too much. or maybe not enough. like, when i finish here, i'm going to put my pj's on, turn on my blanket heater and crawl into bed with a good book. i started reading the 1st diary of anais nin last night and i couldn't put it down. i gave it up after a few hours because i needed to get up for the gym this morning. i love reading and at the moment, if i look hard enough, i can see 3 books i've started in the past week, and then on the other side of my room, i have at least 6 more. hahaha, this is serious. i need to finish these books, i've got all these adventures swimming around in my head. good thing, i know exactly what they all are, where i've stopped and where i'll continue. man, christoph was right, i am such a nerd!!! hahahahah.

i've decided to skip the gym tonight because i'm exausted, although right about now, my nervous energy is kicking in and i'd really like to go. eh. i'm going to go tomorrow morning, so i should be okay.

i leave for texas thursday morning and i'm so excited to get the shit out of here. it sucks that i'm an idiot and didn't plan my time better, but it's okay, because all the time i would have been in texas, i'll be spending with christoph when he gets here. the other night he asked me again if i was sure i couldn't just go to germany for thanksgiving. it was so cute, he was like 'we can just get a turkey here'. awww. i can't wait for him to get here. even more so, i can't for him to wrap his arms around me for 2 weeks.

stay with me a while

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 15:00:07 GMT

i hung out with my brother yesterday which is always awesome. i went down to see if he could look at my car. it's been making this god awful noise and i was really afraid i'd get stuck on the side of the road with a blown engine or something. this car has seen me through a lot, it's even been in a horrible accident (my brother was driving us) and i love this thing. i always talk about how i'd love to get rid of it by setting it a blaze and send it shooting over the nearest cliff, but without it, i'd have to rely on public transportation or these two feet of mine. sheesh, that would make getting to windsor every morning quite a challange. anyhow, let me assure you that i wouldn't mind taking public transportation if i lived in the city or something. anyway, what i'm trying to say here is that i need my car.

he fixed it. my brother is awesome. it was my a/c making all the noise, and since we're on the brink of winter here, i asked if he could disconnect it to get rid of the sound. it worked!! hooray!!! anyway, i hung out for a while and helped him piece together his hatch that he's building. it's so cute, i think it's in the 2000 year range and it's black and awesome. he's building it from the ground up. he bought the body that had stuff in it already, but basically, it was stolen from it's prior owner, but the theives were so clean about the cuts and stuff, so it's been easier for my brother to replace everything. my brother is amazing. he has more strength than anyone i know and it shows. he's had 3 cars now stolen from him (each of them either being stocked with performance parts and guages, or having JUST had those same parts placed in them = not bone stock and costing more than what the car was worth), so we're keeping our fingers crossed hoping he doesn't experience the same thing with this car.

we went to the milford mall last night and what a mess. there were so many freakin' people there, but i got some cute things from forever 21, so i was happy. oh, by the way, i'm totally in love with head bands right now. my hair is long enough now where i don't look like a complete idiot trying to hold my hair back with one of these things. right now, my hair is up in a cute pony tail, and i have a thin headband on...i look cute, so sue me! hahahaha.

i spoke to christoph for a short moment last night. i kept missing his calls, which sucked, but i finally got him while we were at the mall. i had to cut the call off after a while because it was just so damn noisey in the mall. hahahha. he found a new apartment and hopes to sign for it monday. that's exciting. he's excited about more room and i'm glad for him.

i told my brother about my plans for europe, which i was hesitant about doing because he already thinks i'm probably the nuttiest person he knows. but he and his girlfriend were actually the ones to suggest i go over there and teach english. WOW. i was shocked!!! but that's awesome that my brother actually thought of that. i told him he had no idea how much i've been thinking about this, and with a giggle, he asked how long christoph and i have been talking. he seriously thought we'd only been talking for a week and i was nuts. he also didn't know that christoph was coming here to visit ME. he was like, so where is he staying, who is he visting? hahaha, uh, ME AND ME. hello!!! of course, my brother always asks 'are you going to kiss him'...hahahahahaa. geez.

i pissed off my roomate. well, not really, but she's been avoiding me like whoa. i simply told her that we needed to share in replacing things used, like toilet paper and stuff. i finally bought more this morning, i can't stand using tissue to wipe my ass. hahahaha. not like it matters, in fact the tissues are probably softer, but whatever. she was like 'i'm sorry i've become such a nuisance....'. jeez, that's not how i wanted her to take things, but if it gets the point across, then fine. i'm glad she's here, but damn, when my things just disappear into thin air and aren't replaced, i kinda get ticked thinking i'm acting like a mom buying my child things that i have to replace for free. oh well. hopefully she'll come out of hiding. i'm just kinda waiting for her to come out of her room. yesterday, i waited until noon, and she never came out, and it's already almost 10...so we'll see.

it's her birthday next week, so hopefully she won't hate my guts so i can take her out to dinner. hahahhaha.

i'm the coolest/nicest person you will ever know, but don't take me for granted.

roomate

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 15:37:20 GMT

my stomach hurts. but that's really nothing new. i swear i thought i was going to be sick today when i woke up. i felt like absolute crap when i got home, so i cleaned up the apartment a bit (disinfected everything with lysol) and went to bed. i woke up this morning, did the usual 'shit am i sick??' motions, cleared my throat, swallowed to see if it hurt, took a deep breath in, and stretched a little. everything felt right, besides being a little bit stuffed up, i was good to go. so i've been loafing around thinking about cleaning my bedroom, but i really don't want to. it's become a little hell hole of sorts, but i'm starting to like it a little more. when liz moved in, i, of course, felt cramped because now my computer is in here, but i'm used to it now, and it's like my own little space. liz seems to stay in her room when i'm here during the day, which is fine, i don't think she sleeps much at night, so if she's in there sleeping, that's fine with me. i wrote her a little note cause we're never around at the same time to actually talk. i let her know that we need to keep the 'community areas' clean and not cluttered (the living room and kitchen has papers and shit of hers all around) and that i don't mind if she eats whatever she likes (my stuff), but if she finishes things, she needs to replace them. same goes with toiletries and shit. i'm not the mom here, i'm not going to buy the things and have 'my kid' eat everything for free. i don't buy cheap things either, and it burns me up when i come home and my products, especially, are all lined up in the bathroom, used, open and drying out. needless to say, i took out most of my more expensive things so only i can use them. but my food and beverages are slowly disappearing, and there's been no replacement of anything. i'm now conducting another test of the toilet paper issue. i've bought 3 packs of 4 pack toilet paper since she's moved in. (meaning i replaced the non existant roll twice by going out and buying more toilet paper). so right now, there is no toilet paper in there, and i'm not going to replace it. it's been 2 days so far, and i've been using a box of tissues i've had but never use. hahaha, never thought i'd use them to wipe my ass due to lack of toilet paper. anyway, i'm going to see if she replaces it, because i mentioned in my note to her that we need to share in replaceing items like toilet paper and food items. hahaha. i'm not mad or anything, but i'm letting her know that this is still MY home and things must still kinda be in order. i don't care what she does to her bedroom, in fact the door is always closed, but when it comes to things we have to share, i'd like to feel like i can continue using my own shit without feeling like liz is taking over or using them and not replacing them. hahahaha. christoph is pissed about a few things, things that she's using and not replacing, but what can he do in germany? hahahha. aside from the fact that she HATES cats and he LOVES cats, he's trying hard not to hate her before he even meets her. hahahha.

so give me your forever not a day less will do

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 10:30:02 GMT

last night i was in a horrible mood. i had a super long day at work, and then had my german lesson. german kicked my american ass last night, holy shit. i couldn't even believe it. when i got out of there, i was even more tired and pissed off that i was in such a daze. frau baumbach gave me a packet to go over during the lesson, and i literally, no joke, froze half way through and all of a sudden had no clue what i was saying or what any of it meant. this is rediculous. i need to study at the carl duisburg.

so instead of going to the gym, i came home, got even more bent out of shape when i walked into a 70 degree apartment (i pay for the heat!!) and no one was home. um, HELLO. it's one thing to have the heat blasting when you're here and it's snowing out, but what's the point in having it on when you're not here. fuck. needless to say i mentioned it to liz when she got home and she was all apologetic and stuff. so i just went to bed. or attempted to. this apartment is in an old house, so the windows such, and since it was windy as all hell last night, my windows shook all freaking night! as you can imagine, i was pissed to get up at 4 to go to the gym. of couse liz was still awake, she doesn't really sleep much, and she told me how tired and out of it i looked. hahahaha. she thought i was going to work. dur.

anyway, i went, and now i feel fine, and i'm looking forward to today because i only work until 1130 and then i'm in manchester volunteering to collect food for the needy until 3. then it's the weekend, wahoo, sushi tonight, matt's tomorrow, and then hopefully nothing sunday.

a few more days until i'm in texas for thanksgiving. yeeessssss.

greatest gift giver

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 23:58:37 GMT

holy shit, i just found the perfect gift (well part of it) to give to christoph for xmas. i can't remember if i gave him the link to this site, so i'm not going to post what it is, however, i will say that i better get a gold star for being the ultimate gift giver! i'm in the best mood ever!

flu season

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 20:30:48 GMT

so, my company had a flu shot clinic and i decided i was going to get one. so far so good, apparently (according to Dr. Christoph), only 5% of people who get the shot actually come down with flu like symptoms in the days following. i hope i'm not in that bracket, but knowing my luck, i will be. eh, let's not think about it. hahaha.

dear my friends

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 01:30:51 GMT

i just about love coheed and cambria. okay, i guess it's more than 'just about'. i pretty much DO love those guys. well, their music at least.

i was on my way to the gym and christoph called. hahahahaha. i let him win tonight over going to the gym but now i feel all grody about it. at least he was happy that tonight he 'came before the gym'. hahahahhaa. just this once.

life, hold the crazy...

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 02:47:44 GMT

i've hit a patch of clarity today and i couldn't happier. my mind has been in the clouds as of late, and it's about time i pull it together. hahaha.

so here's what i've been thinking about (in case you missed something):

1) christoph. i'm not even sure where to begin with such a name. basically, i've deemed him worthy of the title 'breath of fresh air' because that's what he has become. i told my mom that i've needed someone in my life who challenges me because it seems like the people who i believe mean the most to me don't challenge me the way he does. i'm sorry if that sounds strange. i don't even really know if he knows what effect he has had on my life, but i'm sure glad he's in it albeit a million miles away. i'm trying my hardest not to overwhelm him with my crazy thoughts about moving to Prague/Germany to learn languages, because i don't want him to go crazy over the thoughts of having me as an everyday part of his life (well, as much as he wants, anyway). maybe he wouldn't mind an American girl in his city, but with distance and emails (which by the way are so hard to read- emotion wise), i just can't say how he feels on the subject anymore. i know what he tells me, but just like any normal person, it's good to have reassurance every once in a while. it's funny to think about the future and what it might hold for me or him, or us. i've never really thought too much into the future, but as random and crazy as this sounds, he gives me reason to. i think that scares us.

2) languages. again, i'm not sure where to being with this topic either. i'm taking german lessons, and they're kicking my ass right up and down CT. i love it. i love the challenge, and i love that i'm doing this because i love to learn. i love how christoph laughs at my horrible attempts at sounding like i know what the shit i'm saying, and i'm glad he's given up trying to tell me that i don't want to learn his language. in fact, he told me a while back that he'd even look into schooling opportunites in Germany. i don't know if taking one class a week is going to cut it. there's so much to learn, and in my mind, so little time which is why i've been looking around for the alternative. i would love to learn german in Germany, which is why i'm looking into www.cdc.de (if you go to this website, you'll have to go to the upper right hand corner and click on the british flag to get the english version of the site). it's much cheaper to take an intensive german language course there than here, and it's in Cologne where Christoph lives, which in my mind is more of a reason to study there. i'd be in Germany, where i'd be learning the language while experiencing life first hand with the Germans. hahhahaha, i guess having Christoph there to guide me wouldn't be such a bad thing either. the other night, i ran across another idea to learn German, but this school is in Austria. not as close to Cologne, but the sights would be breath taking, and although the prices aren't as awesome as they would be in Cologne, again, the opportunity to study abroad would be worth just about anything. two stars German one star English?? well, that brings me to ESL. my first idea in the matter was to go to Prague for 4 weeks to get certified in teaching English as a second language. this is my heart. this is what i'd love to be doing. not only would i be able to go anywhere in the world, but i'd be doing something i love doing. as you recall, i brought this up in a letter to Christoph and i'm patiently awaiting his reply via snail mail. we haven't had a substantial chat in over a week, so i'm not sure what to expect.

3) work. if i were to die from working, i swear, it would be the slowest most drawn out death anyone could stand to imagine. i litearlly go into work, log onto my PC and wait. i wait for co-workers to come in (because i'm notoriously early), i wait for work to come in, i wait for time to pass. in the process i probably write Christoph about 100 emails (okay, i'm up to 3 a day) begging him (not really) to write me and keep my mind occupied with his life. it's really quite boring, and i'm miserable. it's not that i HATE what i'm doing, but with 1 & 2 in my constant thoughts, it's really tough to multi-task, when i'm actually quiet pro as a multi-tasker. so i work. and i work. and when it comes to be 4:30, i go home. plain and simple. i've also been thrown into 8 weeks of courses, which included graded exams and countless hours of lectures. help me, seriously. i've passed every exam with flying colors, but it's so boring. i do it because i have to. not because i want to.

4) me. i've never really been a fan of myself, but as time passes, i'm starting to adore myself and who i'm becoming more and more. that sounds really strange, but it's true. i'm healthy (although i could stand to lose a few pounds), happy, and sane. i've got everything and everyone i could possibly want in my life and i'm coming to a crossroad. my family knows how i've always dreamed about living here or there, and they're just waiting for that something or someone to give me a good enough reason to leave. i broke it to them over the weekend that my thoughts are serious, and they just might have the opportunity to visit their only daughter in a foreign country. my mom told me that's why she loves me so much. because i'm always thinking ahead. they know how desperate i am to learn as much as i can, so they're quite excited about the idea of me travelling and learning. they know how much i love to travel, i'm still young, so why not? of course, they can't imagine how serious i am about what step i take next, but it's comforting knowing that if they had to, they'd be able to let me go. i haven't told my brother any of this, i'm sure he'll flip his shit. he's very protective of his big sister (although sometimes he's more like my big brother), so i'll wait and clue him in once things are more set in stone. i don't need him worrying about me.

5) i'm not sure if there's a 5th thing on my mind, but i figured since i've already numbered everything else, might as well stick with the trend. i should probably go to bed now, because a 4 am wake up call for the gym will come before my tired eyes know it. i haven't been getting up which is the bad thing, i'll wake up to the alarm at 4 and then reset it for 6 and roll over and go back to sleep. hahahaha. i need to get out of this trend. i miss going to the gym as much as i have in the past, and now with texas 9 days away and christoph coming, i need to get back into serious mode and stop being so lazy.

when it's cold outside....

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 13:09:42 GMT

alright, so i'm a little slow in updating recently....i've been busy.

work is work and i'm slowly losing patience with it. not really, but i'm more bored than ever. i'm taking 8 weeks worth of classes on 401(k), stocks, bonds, contributions, distributions, etc. ack!!! someone told me when i accepted this new position that i'd now know if this is what i want to be doing with my life. well, a month into this new position, and it's beyond clear that this is NOT what i want to be doing. my managers can sense my absolute bordum and are trying to bump me up in status. i don't know if that can keep me here.

christoph arrives in 43 days and with each passing day i get more and more anxious. i catch myself day dreaming like crazy and overall, i'm extremely happy and excited.

slowly, i'm bringing up the idea of moving to europe to my family, and they seem to be (somewhat) alright with it. i was talking to my mom about it yesterday, and usually if she starts freaking out over it, then i know i'm doomed, but she was quite calm and her response was 'that's why i love you so much, you're always thinking ahead'. currently, i'm being tutored in german, but i might need to bump it up to somewhat intensive courses if i'm going to manage in germany. here are my plans:

well, first let me say that i'm patiently waiting for a hand written letter from christoph with suggestions as to which direction i should go in based on a hand written letter i wrote him over a week ago. the idea at hand: getting certified to teach english as a foreign language worldwide. i would study 4 weeks in prague, and then have lifetime job placement worldwide, meaning i could teach in germany for the next year and a half while christoph gets his doctorates (phD) and then i could teach anywhere else afterwards.

i told him for a whole week that i didn't want to tell him about my plans (prague is only an hour flight from him) because i wrote all about it in a letter and so he's been holding out all week with his ideas on the issue until i get his letter in return. this has been quite painful because we haven't really talked all week besides the usual emails through work. he'll say stuff like 'oh, i'm so excited about...oh well, you'll see in about a week!' WHAT?! oh man, i can't even imagine what could be in that letter!!!!! i can't wait to get it!!!!

anyway, he did tell me not to give up on plans to prague, and also he wants me to move to cologne for the next year and a half so we can a) be together while he's getting his doctorates and b) so we can be together, hello!!! he also told me (i don't know if he meant to or not because he'd never mentioned it before) that he's looking for a bigger apartment and wants to move in before he comes here in december. he had always mentioned how he wouldn't mind moving into something more spacious (we swapped pictures of apartments and he was blown away by my spacious 2 bedroom apartment to his adorable studio sized apartment) but he was never serious about it. now all of a sudden, he has appointments to look at bigger apartments. cute. also, what was adorable was the fact that all last week, he wrote about how he was rearranging his apartment and cleaning it. hahahahhaa. he blamed it on the fact that he didn't want to study, but in doing so, he sent me a new bunch of pictures showcasing his progress. so adorable.

anyway, i stumbled upon this website ----> http://www.expatica.com/germany and so i've been learning about the difficulties in getting a german drivers license, and various current events, etc. man, apparently starting this weekend, they have the holiday market and although it's the apparent bane of christoph's existence, hhahaha, he wishes i could be there so we could go (but apparently, as you might assume, it's somewhat of a tourist trap). i love holiday stuff, so i, too, wish i could be there! hahah. dude, i just read that in berlin they just passed a law in senate that will allow 24 hour shopping (limited hours on sundays), but hello....is this a great country or WHAT?!!? hahahaha! anyway, also on that site, i stumbled on an American's blog about moving to Cologne. he's from NYC and moved to Cologne and has been blogging about it for the past year. aside from the occasional rude German, i swear, just by reading what he's written, i'd hop the next flight out if i didn't risk losing my job over it. hahahahha. here's the link if you're interested in what my life just might be like next year. http://germandiary.blogspot.com/ if you're going to read his entries, don't start with the one on this page, you need to go to the right hand side, scroll down and look for the dates. he's been there exactly a year, and i'm only to feb 17th. i wrote him an email (richard is his name) to give me the pros and cons in living in cologne. apparently parts of it are similar to NYC (which i love) and he even found a 'NYC bagel shop' in town that is the closest thing to what we have here and he is HAPPY about this!!! i love it.

anyway, back to me....

i went to the wake of an exboyfriend's grandpa yesterday, which was weird. not so much the wake, but the fact that my ex called me and asked me to go. of course i went, but afterwards is when things got weird. his mom and her husband came up to me and hugged me saying how much they missed me and asked me about what i was up to telling me how awesome i look. hahahha. it's been about 9 years since i've seen them! then my ex came out, hand in hand with his girlfriend, and didn't say so much as 2 words to me. hahaha, it was funny. it wasn't until i was about to leave that he came up to me, sans girlfriend and talked to me. the creepy thing about him is that i gave him a ring while we were still dating (8 years ago) and he STILL wears it. on his ring finger. so he had it on, and i was like ACK!!!!!

i hung out with my bestfriend chris yesterday. i freakin' love this boy!!! we get along so well and if it wasn't for us being like bro's, i'm sure we'd be dating. hahaha, we went grocery shopping yesterday and i decided i wanted a bag of munchos and a water, so i put them up on the belt and waited for him to check out. well, the cashier rang my stuff up with his, and she was like 'oh, you two aren't together?!' hahaha, not meaning 'oh you two aren't dating', but of course anytime people ask us that, we kinda freeze up and then just joke around about how we're too much for eachother, hahahhha. it's so funny. last night was different though, when i was leaving his apartment (i helped him take his groceries upstairs), instead of saying 'later' and just leaving, he actually asked what i was doing, where i was going, and suggested nap time. weird. hahahahha, i told him it felt like he was going to hug me when he was reaching to turn on the light, and i told him i probably would have punched him out. hahaha. not really, but we're bro's and i have christoph. which by the way chris wanted to hear nothing about. everytime i'd mention him, he'd turn the radio up. it was cute. oh well.

my roommate is sick. ack, i swear, if i get sick, i'll kill her and anyone around me. i hate being sick, i hate feeling like i'm getting sick...you do not want me sick. i'm about to get in the shower and high tail it out of here, just so i won't have to hang out with her all day and risk getting sick. that's not nice, but i have NO time left to take at work (not even an hour) so, i can't miss any days until january. oh boy.

i'll be in texas in t-10 days, holy shit. i didn't realize it was so close. i'm so intent on counting the days down to christoph that i didn't even count the days down to texas. wow.

i guess that's it for now. go give your eyes a rest. hahahaha.

holy update, batman

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 22:57:58 GMT

ok, this won't be the update i was hoping for. i'm just about to run out with my roomie to run arrands, so when i get back, i'll write more.

things to keep in mind...i'm SO happy....and life is amazing.

days left: 47

you're the only song i want to hear....

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 03:56:12 GMT

wie geht's?

is it christmas yet? i can't stand this wait!!!

jenn and i hung out today, and we had a blast. went to ikea and i bought some chairs and tables and stuff for my screened in porch. hahaha, i told christoph that it was a shame it wasn't going to be warmer outside when he's here, otherwise, we could use the hell out of my screened in porch. his response was 'we're going to sit out there anyway! i love the idea of sitting in your porch, wearing 3 coats watching the snow fall with you'. aww. seriously. i'm completely smittened. he told me that rent in cologne goes down significantly in the spring because the students leave and i asked him if he thought i could rent from here. he told me that i wouldn't have to worry about the rent if i just moved in with him. i suggested we get a bigger place....we both want a spare bedroom to turn into a library. i love my life. i'll get my passport in time for him to get here, and with it, i can stay in a country for 90 days before needing to get a visa. i mentioned that my moms company is based out of cologne, and he never really said anything about it, but tonight, he brought it up asking if i think i might be able to get a job there? so before i do any of this, i think i'm going to go to prague to get certified in teaching english as a second language. this is serious. once certified, i'll have lifetime job placement which means we can move to latin america later on, where he might get a job teaching, too.

i have a roommate now!!! she's moving in tomorrow!! christoph was glad it wasn't a boy, hahahahaha. it wasn't until i told him a girl was moving in that he even mentioned the slightest concern. hahahaha. he's so sweet. the greatest thing of all is that since all my bills come out of my checking automatically, all the money i get from my roommate will go in my 'germany' savings account. hahaha. did i mention this is serious?

those three words...

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 11:17:03 GMT

i know what i'm doing with my life. i got an email last night, and it has made everything clear. this is the leaf. this is the amazing moment i was waiting to happen. the clarity. my heart is so happy.

to the left...

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 00:26:38 GMT

it's always weird when an exboyfriend calls to 'talk'. it's even more weird when they call to let me know that someone in their family has died. i guess you can say my ex and i (my first boyfriend) are on friendly terms, but we don't hang out or anything. he just called to tell me his papa (grandpa) died yesterday. awwww. this man was such a sweetheart, and my ex knew how fond of his grandparents i was/am. i'm glad he called. i told him i'd be there for him. so sad.

anyway.

i went to the gym. i guess i'm not as lazy as i thought.

read the sign, buddy!

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 22:42:12 GMT

i can't believe it's freakin' 5:30 and it's already dark. this is totally doing a number on my sleep habits. yes, i'm already in my pj's when i should probably be going to the gym. i'm such a lazy bum right now, this has GOT to stop.

so today, this guy mark came up to me and says 'hey christine, how's it going?'.....i guess i gave him this weird look cause he repeats himself and i stop him half way and say 'wait, did you just call me christine'. he says 'yeah, i think i did' and he goes 'what's your name again?' hhah, i point to my name plate and go 'read the sign, buddy' and proceed to ask my friend a question about something i was working on. he turns around and says in the cutest voice 'well, i'll talk to you later' and my friend christine goes 'ooooh, that was cold, you shot him down'. hahahahha. of course, i'm probably the nicest girl you'll ever meet, so of course i felt REALLY bad thinking he didn't know i was totally joking. so i stewed over it for a second and then went over to his desk and asked him if he knew i was joking. in a scared voice he said yes, and we proceeded to talk about how i was joking. hahahaha, what a cutie. he's such a nice guy, and i AM only 2 weeks new in this position, but damn, i'm not THAT forgetable am i? i mean we have had lunch a few times together. oh well. it was funny.

so yesterday was halloween. big deal. i was sitting in my dark apartment around 730 thinking about nothing really in particular (watching tv) and decided it would probably be a good thing if i went and checked my mail. and to my complete surprise, there was a letter from christoph in my box!!! i was so happy, i seriously ran up the stairs to read it. 6 pages, front and back and at the end, he included a poem in german. of course, i tried translating it, and am still waiting for him to give me the 'non' literal version of it, but what i figured out, it's so sweet. i can't wait for him to get here. he's still begging me to cancel my trip to texas for thanksgiving and go to germany, but i still don't think my parents would be too happy about that. hahahahha.

don't tell me don't let's start....

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 00:44:03 GMT

i never really knew what that part of that jimmy eat world song meant. 'don't tell me "don't let's start"...' my friend matt told me that "don't let's start" is a they might be giants song, but i have yet to find it anywhere.

UGH, if i drop one more piece of yummy sushi in soy sauce, i'm going to be mad!!! i'm eating with chop sticks, in between typing, and i keep dropping these things all the way in the soy sauce, rather than just casually dipping the corners in. i don't like all that soy sauce, it really ruins the flavor of the sushi all together. bah.

so i'm a bum, and i'm staying home tonight. i could be out at carolyns ragger, but instead, i'm at home, eating sushi (echo) and watching movies. well, writing in this journal, but movies in a second. i'm tired.

so my second job is awesome. hahaha, today, i was asked to try on different maternity clothes so i could get a feel for how everything fits thus being able to give potential customers awesome shopping advice. hahahaha. i took in a pair of jeans (of course), a hot pink tank top and a heather grey long sleeved shirt (i love me some layers). of course, i put the preggo belly on, just to get the full effect, tied my hair up loosely (it's getting so long) and opened the dressing room door. my manager says (and i quote) "WOW look at you!!! you're going to be a hot mama!!!" HAHAHAHHAHAA. i felt kinda weird lookin' all pregnant and crap, but i did look pretty damn adorable, if i do say so myself. hahahaha. i hope when i get married and decide to have kids, my body keeps it's shape and my stomach is the only part that grows. the jeans i tried on were 'slimming' and they fit almost as good as my normal jeans. i was impressed and so should any woman trying this stuff on.

movie time duuuuudes.

ps. tonight, i hate sprint ($.99/min calls to germany if not set up on an 'international calling plan'), high winds that blow my hair into a frizzy, and missing someone so far away- aka 58 days until my life begins, bitches!

i said BRRR it's cold in here.....

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 21:32:47 GMT

"there must be some torro's in the atmosphere!'

dude, seriously, you can't fault me for liking cheerleading movies (aka bring it on). i could seriously watch that and clueless right now, for sheezie.

anyway, life is good. i got that second job (on the spot!) and i start tomorrow. word up, b! i'm going to be so dead ass tired until christmas, it's going to be unreal. i'm going to miss talking to christoph as much as i do, but the flow is going to be worth it. i need to stay motivated and just stick with it, like it's second nature. habits form in 30 days. let's do this.

man, freakin' sprint is absolutly rediculous. i can't make international calls out, so last night, after my german lesson, i wanted to call christoph in the worst way and whisper sweet german nothings into his ear (more like numbers and greetings) but i couldn't!!!! i'm about to sign up for some sort of phone carrier JUST so i can make international calls. eff sprint and $.18 a minute when i can use vonage at $.02 a minute. BOO YA!

so i have a boy coming over in a bit to look at the apartment. his name is eric and he seems wicked cool. he's a manager at tj maxx (what up hook ups) and is like me, into his career, working out and hang time. he used to work in the food industry, so he said if we ever just want to kick it in and watch movies, he'd make us food. hahahaha, he even said if i ever wanted to come home to food, he'd be all over that as well. shoot. too bad this wasn't an ad for a boyfriend. hahahhahaa. my heart is taken and i'm quite excited about that! christoph told me to tell him not to get any crazy ideas...hahahhaa. aww.

anyway, i hope he gets here soon. i want to go visit carolyn at work!!!!!

we're not gonna take it!

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 23:59:50 GMT

actually, you should have sang the song from the who's tommy rock opera, not twisted sister. hahahaha, although when i wrote that, i was singing twisted sister, but whatever. wait. that's who sings that song, right? eh, i'm lacking in my twisted sister knowledge.

so can you believe tickets to chicago in december are 56 bucks one way!!! holy bargin batman!!! this excites the hell out of me.

christoph and i have a deal. although his english is adorably perfect, every once in a while, i can hear him thinking about how to say what he wants to say. he'll tell me what word he's going for in german (hott) and then he'll stumble about wondering what the english word is. so anyway, our deal: he gives me 10 new german words to learn, and i give him 10 new english words to learn. here's the list he gave me today. of course the english words weren't there, that's my job, to figure it out.

erfüllen- fulfill
Briefpapier- writing paper
Speicher- memory
Dozent- lecturer
ausharren- endure
vorbestimmt- pre-determined
Überprüfung- examination
Herbst-autumn
Schlitten fahren- carriages drive
Katze- cat

did i tell you i'm starting to take german classes on thursday?! hahaha, that's right!!! in no time i'll be speaking german, too. hahahahha. i told him (i wasn't going to tell him) that i'm taking german classes and he thinks it's cute. although he keeps telling me there's no need and it's an ugly language to learn, but HELLO, there is a need if i'm ever going to live in germany. hahahaha.

i went to get my passport pictures taken today. you should see this mess. i look like a total dork. and can you believe the lady tried to get me to smile with my teef? reminded me of my mom. anyway, sans teeth, my pictures are taken. i just need to get my birth certificate from my mom (who i'm sure is going to ask a million and a half questions) and i'll be all set!!! germany, here i come!! or really, any other place!! BOO and YA!!!

i have an interview tomorrow at a few stores at west farms. i don't need a second job, and if i get a room mate, i'll need it even less, but i figure it won't hurt earning as much money as possible before christoph gets here. i have a feeling it's going to be the most expensive two weeks of my life. totally worth it, but expensive. i mean, c'mon, we ARE going to chicago, NYC and boston after all. dude, we're SO going sledding too, so if anyone is down, let's go!!!!

carolyn, i'm going to come visit you one night while you're working, don't you fret! we need to hang out tons and tons. annnnnd, i just might apply there as well, since i work in windsor now, manchester is a stones throw or two away!!! word up!!!

dudes. um. i need a halloween costume, although, carolyn, many people haven't seen me in ages, so i could just show up as myself and no one would ever realize who i was!!!! hahahahhahaha! gimmie ideas, yo! <3